You probably noticed something strange about this page…
(the colors maybe???)
Maybe it’s the shit talking headline?
Okay okay I know, by now some of you are like “fuck this dude, he’s just trying to get a reaction, I’m out.”
(waits a couple seconds, annnd…)
Okay we’re good.
For those of you still around, I’m going to take the time to explain to you my reasoning by doing this.
This is my first digital product offering…
(well, I’ve actually helped created over a hundred for other digital marketing companies)
But personally speaking, this is my first.
“Awww man… He’s about to try and sell me something!!!”
You’re goddamn right I am.
I’m absolutely going to sell you, it’s good for the economy, it’s good for everyone on this planet.
And if you don’t like spending it, this isn’t the place for you, so yes I’m gonna sell you on doing what you know you need to do.
But most of all:
I’m going to sell you on being you. (???)
More on that later… (MUCH more…)
Back to my dope ass creativity skillz…
I certainly had the choice of choosing a different headline…
I could have picked something like
“How To Make Six Figures While Frollicking down the beach with the woman of your dreams… (that you secretly hate but that’s okay cuz you RICH AF)
or, wayminnit wayminnit wayminnit…
“How To Eat Cheerios And Toasted O’s All Day Every Day Without Ever Doing Any Work”
You like that shit?
I like that shit, ese.
I’m actually REALLY gellin’ with that headline, but… another time.
I chose the headline for this product for one reason, and one reason alone:
I like to have fucking FUN.
That’s right, I’m having fun, all while making a buck or two.
What a concept, amirite?
“Now wait one gott dern minnit, Mr Innernet Guy, you mean ta tell me you’re not chasin’ down yer customers, bangin’ on doors an’ beggin’ for the bidniss?”
“Yeeewww mean ta tellz me yer not measurin’ yer dick online with a buncha other innernet fucks, gettin’ mad at yer competition and getting hemmroids an’ shit?
“So yer just havin’ fun you say?”
See, I’ve found this weird little niche where you can make a metric fuck ton of money online by being 100% yourself and having fun while ya do it.
Like just saying whatever comes to your mind, and then convincing others to do the same.
“Holy shit, what the fuck is this guy on right now?” (you may be asking yourself)
“What is this crazy asshole trying do… create some kinda revolution or somethin’?”
And, actually, I’m completely sober right now but thanks for asking.
You see, I’ve adopted something so much better than all the drugs and alcohol and weed and threesomes…
But I’ll tell you about that later. (Not the threesomes, the mindset, unless you want to hear about the threesomes…)
Much later, dis a long ass sales letter, yo… sitcho ass down and pop the top on some drank and stay awhile.
It’s the big sad on the internet, these days.
You’ve probably been to an ads course or two, am I right?
How’s that e-commerce course going for ya?
Selling many survival backpacks or hello kitty mugs?
I ‘member when I used to be about that life.
I even spent two months setting up a blog about trumpets one time.
“This muhfucka just say… Trumpets?”
Yes, even though I don’t know shit about trumpets.
(Well, I did play one when I was in the sixth grade. I got first chair once.)
Nine to five job?
Did that too.
I was so excited when I got my first nine to five job.
*cough*what an idiot*cough*
You see, I come from humble trailer park beginnings.
Some of my previous jobs over the years included donning that gorgeous red and yellow Mickey D’s snapback, cleaning dishes, selling clothes, cars.
When I got that first office gig I thought I was in heaven.
But noticed the boss lived a lot different than the rest of us…
The boss did what the FUCK he wanted to do.
The boss said what the FUCK he wanted to say…
While us other mofos just kind of sat around with fake ass smiles and nods.
If you’re anything like me, you can feel when you’re getting the shit end of the stick, if you catch my drift.
And you know you’re doing the wrong thing when you sign on that dotted line, trading your hours for dollars, but you do it anyways for the security.
Ah yes, the “do it anyways” close.
I get it.
We’re all sales folk at the end of the day.
We buy things.
But, if you’re anything like me, you’re also someone who does something about it: so I did.
I went out on my own first chance I got and started selling my skills as services…
I’ll be damned if that didn’t turn into working for someone as well.
Dammit. Foiled again.
Clients to answer to, people that I may or may not jive with, but had to just because…
Why’d I just “have to” again?
Being programmed since I was a child and everything.
One day it just dawned on me what I was missing, and so I made a decision.
From now and forever on, I’m going to do me, and me alone.
I’m going to ONLY work with people just like me, people who just kind of had to throw their money my way because it made too much sense for them not to.
Because I discovered that in this day and age, it’s completely 100% possible.
And yet, not without conflict.
You see, as soon as I drop this link on my social media, I already know exactly what people are going to say.
I already know how many fingers are gonna be wagging at this page like a grandma at an unruly grandchild.
“Oooooh woah now you shouldn’t eat that cookie, y’hear?”
People are always there to tell you what you the “rules” are, and yet throughout my ten years experience in internet marketing, I’ve seen every rule broken.
People will still tell you things like “You can’t cuss in your sales letter.”
And yet, people make millions doing it every month.
They also say things like “You need to make X amount of dollars before you coach anyone”.
And yet, people do and get their clients results every day.
I have literally seen every single fucking rule in “the book” broken.
So much so that I have a rebuttal now for anyone who says things like this.
Here’s the thing:
Gramma doesn’t want you to eat the cookie because she can’t eat the fucking cookie.
Gramma been over here eating booty since the dawn of man and yet she’s going to tell you to pass on one of lifes greatest treasure cuz she got the diabeetus.
Well let me break the news to you: You aren’t sick my friend.
YOU do NOT have the diabeetus (maybe ya do, in which case replace this with a life-threatening disease you don’t have) and…
They’re ALL wrong.
THEY can’t say the things that are on THEIR mind.
THEY can’t coach people until THEY make a million dollars, or a billion, or a trillion, or whatever else fuckin’ limits they have set for themselves.
THEY can’t cuss in their MOTHA FUCKIN’ sales letter. 😉 😉 😉
THEY have boxed THEMSELVES into a corner.
Let me ask you something…
Do you think there’s a millionaire out there who *might* just find what I just said entertaining?
There’s 1700 millionaires created EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. in America.
Do you think there may be just one who may find what I just said valuable?
Maybe you are one, after all…
Millionaires are common these days.
Do you think one of them would possibly be so inclined to drop a couple of bucks to understand how maybe they could quit selling saaaay roofing…
And start selling THEMSELVES?
Happens every day.
A million dollars ain’t what it used to be, and if you don’t set your business up the right way, it can tax your ass significantly.
I’m a firm believer in doing things the EASY way. (well, easiest way possible, that is)
But then again…
I play by a different set of rules than the average joe.
In fact I play by zero rules at all, anymore, other than the Facebook ad guidelines that ole Zucc lines out for me…
But even then…
Us individualists are growing stronger.
I’ll admit though…
Even though I am a successful risk taker,
I’m only able to do this because it’s a proven model.
If this were the 1800s I’d probably be some farmers bitch.
But we live in different times.
Think about it…
How can a guy like the slutwhisperer (look him up on the gram) make a living doing what he does (which is hosting parties and pouring bottles of champagne over the asses of college chicks)?
Just how is someone able to do this?
Another case in point…
There are THOUSANDS of gamers online right now, making millions from playing video games.
How do they do it?
The answer is simple: they’ve let go of the standard set of rules.
They’ve completely unplugged from the status quo and allowed technology to do it’s job.
Think about it…
What dafuq do you think would happen if you had a business model set up to make money, dollar after dollar on repeat, but the only way it worked is if you were being you,
…and all of a sudden you just started being YOU.
The REAL you?
People would start losing their minds, ladies would faint, preachers would throw holy water.
But by that time, the first sales would already rollin’ through and you’d be laughing to the bank.
Because let’s be honest:
Once you do this, you’ll quickly realize you’ve pretty much “hacked” life.
You’ve cheated the whole goddamn system…
Almost as if you had some kind of cheat codes to reality that only you and a select few knew about.
People will be fucking pissed.
You won’t care.
I bet you’re in.
Now, let’s get one thing straight before we continue:
I’m not saying this is going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination.
Hell to the nay naw.
It’s definitely going to be some SHIT.
But GOOD shit.
And, a lot of it.
The universe is going to test the fuck out of you for even attempting this feat, b’leee dat.
THIS IS NO FUCKS MASTERY. YOU WILL BE TESTED.
I don’t give a fuck you got a million in the bank right now or nothing at all, the universe is gonna wanna tap you for tapping into the secrets, but that’s okay.
You’ve got help.
Someone willing to share with you the tricks of the trade…
And I’ll go ahead and share the first trick right here and right now:
I do business with people like me.
People who like to have fun and are done trying to please everyone, who just want to turn this world on it’s fucking head and see what happens.
Maybe laugh maniacally at all the chodes that are mad about the new bag papa is bringing to the table.
Those people, some who may be reading this letter, I just can’t do shit for.
And, the truth is, I couldn’t fuck with them if I wanted to.
A) There are too many people who fit my description that I can reach who need my help and
B) I can only speak real shit these days.
This is what comes out every time I go to create something.
Anything else ain’t me.
The rest of the tricks I’m laying out in this upcoming training I’m doing on April 21st at 4PM CST.
I highly recommend this for you if…
- You sport the tu’ttoos and it’s all you ever talk about
- You have an expansive Yu-Gi-Yoh card collection that arouses you.
- You’re a regular ass dude sitting in an office and really enjoys red staplers…
- Any, some of, all of the above, and whatever the hell else you can fill in the blank with.
Here’s the thing…
This only works as long as you’re 100% mother fucking CERTAIN about who you are..
I fux witchew, dawg.
You can also have a combination of shit you like…
For example, I like hypnotism, sleeping with hot women and checkers.
Perhaps you like diesel trucks, monster trucks, and coloring books?
Or maybe some other combination I haven’t seen yet…
Fuck it… It doesn’t matter.
I can show you how to turn YOURSELF into a sustainable business that nobody can ever fucking take away from you
All of those things are just simple maths that add up to create a single and very sellable product:
The mother fucker with a thousand flaws, that, despite all odds, keeps on WINNING.
The dude who used to shit his pants in grade school and played with power rangers.
The guy who did a bunch of fucked up shit, but has emerged with a story of redemption that makes Shawshank Redemption look like fucking Blues Clues.
I’ve got buyers on the line that need you:
and LOT’S of ya.
(Damn why I gotta always get dirty with shit?)
Just go with it.
And just howww the fudge does all this happen to work, you may be asking…
Honestly, a lot of reasons.
Social media, mostly.
I’ll cover it all this and more in a lot more detail later on, but I want to ask you a few more questions.
What would life look like for you if you could get paid for unleashing the crazy unfiltered badass that you actually are?
Would you say bump this cold ass Wisconsin weather and move to another country and chill by the beach?
That’s what I’ma do as soon as the lease is up on my high rise here smack dab in the middle of Downtown Dallas (maybe sooner).
Alright so here’s the juice.
Matter fact here’s the rub..
May 19th, 4PM CST
Selling Your Certitude is going Live!
(dafuq is a “certitude”?)
Certitude is what you’re going to have to have in order to achieve the things we just talked about.
Here’s what ole webster has to say about certitude:
Noun – Absolute *fucking* certainty or conviction that something is the case.
Which is what you’re going to need if you plan to pull any of this off.
Certainty is the key ingredient to making this whole thing work.
Which is cool, because
By now, you should realize that’s what I’m good at helping people find.
By now, you should be 100% certain that I’m actually the best at it.
Here’s what you gon’ learn on the big training:
- How To Be 100% Certain In Life At All Times, Even In The Face Of Extreme Adversity
- How To Attract A Ravenous Fanbase That Will Not Only Support You, But Want To Pay You And Get Mad At You When You Don’t Have Anything For Them To Buy
- How To Quit Overthinking Everything And Dial In Your Focus Like A Child Prodigy With Overbearing Parents
- How To Completely Overcome Procrastination And Master The Art Of Getting Shit Done
- How To Get TF Over Thinking Everything Has To Be Perfect, With Live Exercises And Demonstrations
- How To Grow Lightning Fast, and Systematize Everything So You Don’t Get All Pissed Off When Your Business Starts Growing Rapidly
After the training, I will continue to do trainings inside the private Facebook group and answer questions as well as provide more exercises to push you along.
This will continue 7 Days after the Selling Your Certitude training on May 19th at 4pm CST.
Also: Pre-work will begin on Saturday, May 12th at 4PM CST. I’ll open up the private Facebook membership and begin dropping lessons and information back there only for the early birds. Make sure you sign up quick!
WARNING: This training is for people who can’t stand being average, and feel they’ve been sold a bill of goods by society (spoiler plot big reveal twist: they have)
- Maybe you’re like me, and went through a fucked up relationship that made you realize that it’s time you start going all in yourself, for once. This course is for you.
- Maybe you want to live life on your own terms, do what you really want to do without anyone being able to tell you shit. Dis you frfr.
- Maybe you wanna give back and pay off Grandmas car and half her mortgage, even though she wouldn’t let you have that cookie. This is definitely for you, and nothing makes grandmas happier than you doing that for her by doing what you love, which is why rappers grammas love them so much.
Here’s some big timers who utilize this same “Zero Fucks Given” model:
(spoiler alert: they’re just gonna tell you to listen to me so we might as just skip to the part where you:
Pay me a sum of money,
a very small sum, I might add, considering the scope of knowledge
But a SUM, nevertheless:
YEAAAH BOOIIIII, SAVE MY SEAT!
You may be asking why I’m charging such a ridiculously, ridiculously RIDICULOUSLY low price.
Most coaches and mentors would charge you double, triple of even decuple for this information.
I believe that once you have this key and use it to free yourself from the shackles of mental mediocrity, you will most certainly be back for my higher level stuff.
I want to use this as an opportunity to grow inside your mind like a fungus.
To help you “HACK THE PLAANNNEEETTT” so that money grows inside your bank account like a fungus.
A wild brown plumbea fungus.
(Oh yeah, you betta believe there’s levels to this shit. I look at this as the beginning of a life-long relationship between us. After all, I’ve helped multi-multi millionaires increase abundance. We have a lot of work to do and adventures to go on!)
Doesn’t matter if you’re just starting out with $127 in your bank account, or if you have 127 Lamborghinis in your Lamborghini account, or if you have 101 Dalmatians in your Dalmatian account…
…if you are not selling yourself first and foremost, you need my professional services at the most basic AND the most cellular level.
I’m here to wake you up to what’s possible.
Those who like going ALL-IN, balls deep… (this me)
For only $297, you can guarantee yourself a 1:1 recorded Wake Up Call with me.
This will be a 90 minute strategy session to help hone in what you’ve learned, craft your offer,
fine-tune your pitch and get you moving at an accelerated pace.
(Plus the training and access to everything that you would receive at the $127 level.)
Let’s. FUCKING. GOOOOOOO!
You probably wondering…
Do I get a guarantee?
I have a 100% satisfaction on your money back AND SOME guarantee.
What do I mean by that?
You think I’d leave you hanging if this shit didn’t work? (I happen to know it does, but let’s just say in some other fuckin universe it don’t, and for some reason you have happened to have crossed into said universe via a wormhole or something)
But let’s just say in a year, you take all this action, make all these moves and still for the life of you can’t seem to recover your $127.
Or your $297.
If that happens I will refund you your money and give you a crispy one dollar bill so that you can buy something to sustain yourself for a day or two, because at that point, seriously you need it.
Now that that the weird low abundance disclaimer shit is out of the way, let’s get moving. (shit brought my energy levels down just saying it)
See you on the training, and thanks for being a part of it all.
Unplug your mind and take control your reality,
Like me on the gram, like me on FB, like me on the Twitter.